And so it begins....

Soo I took some before pictures quite a while ago. When I am brave I will post them. They are motivating, and slightly disgusting. Its hard to imagine that I had really let myself go that much. But to be honest I was always that way. So letting myself go might not be the appropriate term. Maybe I should say it is hard to imagine how much I didn't like myself. However that is a story for another day. Today's topic is the issue of I only have 4 months until the SPUDMAN! I'm trying not to freak but honestly I have some work to do. So I upped my program to twice a day workouts. And all the Junk is out. Its do or die time and I'll be damned if I don't rock that Spudman like I own the place. It's a mental game from here on out.

I swim, bike, and run because I'M WORTH IT.

2/25/2010

This is an IM conversation I had with my co-worker about my morning that day......



11:13 AM Corinne Smith

This is a good story
Lets just say I got into a fight with a GIANT spider and I won
Killed it with a frying pan
CORINNE -1
SPIDER - 0

11:13 AM Co-worker

really ?
how big ?

11:14 AM Corinne Smith
silver dollar size. I swear
I mean silver

11:14 AM Co-Worker

k tell the story

11:14 AM Corinne Smith

alright
So I have like 10 minutes until I have to be to work so I grab my jacket from my bed and go to put it on and this HUGE spider crawls out of it and under my covers.
Naturally I am screaming
and thinking Oh crap. I cant just leave it there because there is no way in heck I am ever sleeping here again if I know there is a giant creature lose in my bed.
Im not a good sharer
okay pause the story

11:16 AM Co-Worker
k

11:31 AM Corinne Smith

So now I have like 5 minutes to get to work and so Im pretty sure I am going to be late because I still need to find this thing and muster up some sorta courage. No kidding... I would MUCH rather go through child birth then have to see and kill a spider.

Dont judge me.
So I call Danny because Blair isnt in yet and I was like alright you are going to think I am completely nuts
I know.... but, I just had a huge A spider crawl into my bed and I have to kill it now and so I am going to to be late.
He's like umm... okay i guess. I could tell by his voice he was not amused.

11:33 AM Co-Worker

yeah Danny doesn't get amused easily

11:33 AM Corinne Smith

So I hang up the phone and now I have to get ready for war.
I got a frying pan in one hand. Windex in the other and my mom on the phone for moral support. I look like an idiot and I was bawling my eyes out but I knew I had to do.
PAUSE

11:37 AM Co-Worker
are you serious ?

11:43 AM Corinne Smith

So i slowly start pulling off all the pillows and am on edge watching for any movement. And my mom is like counting down for me to pull the covers back real quick. haha
I finally did it and the sucker fell off the bed and I screamed soo loud im sure my neighbors think I am dead.
And I hit it with the frying pan and then stood on the frying pan for like 5 minutes while I recovered.
haha then I grabbed a cup and put some Cotton balls with nail polish remover on them and stuck it on the monster

11:44 AM Co-Worker

why ?
to sedate him ?

11:44 AM Corinne Smith

That was insurance just in case he decided to
be reincarnated while I was at work.
I have the biggest headache right now. Man it was intense. Oh and I made it to work only 15 minutes late. I was pretty impressed. I escaped death and was only 15 minutes
late!

11:45 AM Co-worker

thats not too bad
so you still have its dead body under a cup at home ?

11:46 AM Corinne Smith

yes
and I will vacuum it up when I get home
I have goosebumps telling you about it

In a world with billions of people I am alone

Alright it is time to get back on the blogging wagon. Its hard for me because I don't have Internet in my apartment so I have to schedule Internet time. It's times like these that I wonder how we ever survived without things like the Internet.
Speaking of my apartment. I have discovered that there are many pros and cons to live by yourself. Like it is amazing how long it takes to use up a roll of paper towels or toilet paper when it is just you. and it is nice that the whole house is your personal space. So If I want to walk around naked I do. Not a big deal. Or if I want to have a dance party in my living room by myself. I am not ashamed. Its nice to know that the dishes in the sink are mine. And my favorite part is when I clean it it stays clean until I mess it up. The down side is I have no one to blame when it is messy. Also sometimes too much "Me Time" is a little overwhelming and a lot more lonely. That is probably the one thing I thought I would be good at is hanging out with me, myself, and I. Because I've done it since I was little. But living on my own I think I have realized that although silence does not bother me, being alone everyday and every night does. Because of my job I can go days without face to face talking to anyone and there have been times that I haven't been able to remember the last time I was hugged. I'm not saying that every person that lives by themselves experiences this, but for me I have just noticed that because I choose to have a small social circle in Utah and the rest of my friends and family live in other states. It is not a good idea to live alone and be secluded from civilization. I am actually quite proud that I have made this break through as to why I have been feeling so lonely. I use to just think it was because I was 24 and single, but I am really happy with myself and so when I actually did some soul searching it kind of makes sense. I think as humans we need to interact and have contact with one another. There are certain things I think we need to survive. And just like water and food we also need love and friendship. I have spent so many years of my life never looking people in the eye because of the way I looked physically I didn't think I was worth friendship. I beat myself up and treated myself soo unkind. It was hard because the reflection in the mirror did not match the beautiful person inside. It has been a process. and I know I have written about this before. But just kind of realizing today that I do need to let people in my life and peel back those layers. There comes a point where you cant do things alone.

.....

"I feel to invite every woman everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass."
Gordon B. Hinkley