Quite the week... if I do say so. I don't remember if I have mentioned this before but I have a slight issue with being normal. Now what is normal you ask? Heck if I know.. all I know is that aint me. The reason I say that is because it seems like if it is going to happen it is most likely going to happen to me.. no fail. Over the years I have just come to accept my "uniqueness" and embrace it, however I do have to plan out extra time in the day because something is bound to happen. Unfortunately I haven't written many experiences down until now, but I plan on blogging about them from now on just because I am a firm believer in laughter.. especially if it is at your self. So here goes! ... (oh and I should warn you VIEWER DISCRETION is advised.) So.. without giving away the farm I will tell you that I had an appointment with the lady doctor this week (we are all adults it's a part of being a women) and it is my worst fear ever! Which is why I put off going for soo long. I decided to go to a lady instead of a man for comfort reasons and was thinking I would actually maybe not freak out when I got there. WRONG. After filling out all of the new client paperwork I was escorted back to the Doc's "office" where I was weighed and told to strip to my birthday suit. -- What? No introduction? I think we should at least be on a first name basis here.. Guess they just like to get down to business here.. Maybe it's better that way.--- anyways so I'm sitting there in a gown that feels more like a shower curtain thinking of a way to maybe backtrack and get the heck out! Well as luck would have it the little assist girl mentions to me on her way out the door.. oh btw the Doc has a male student with her this week so if that makes you uncomfortable just let her know. OF COURSE.. right? I mean seriously he just happens to be visiting on the same day I happen to be visiting.. I think someone in heaven has a great sense of humor... NOT! So I'm thinking ok Corinne you are just fine. Remember to breathe and when the Doc comes in just inform her in a professional way that this is a no boys allowed visit. Well in walks the Doc and .. Oh great he's cute... Student. My throat starts to close slightly and my brain shuts off and suddenly I am mute. There is nothing even trying to come out of my mouth my body is in shock and the tears are starting the pool and all I can think about is how this man is gonna see more of me then any man alive has ever seen and he didn't even buy me a drink or call me beautiful. This whole visit is turning into a nightmare! Oh wait.. apparently there is more in store for me. I swear I don't know what I did to deserve this but I will never do anything bad again!... So the Doc apparently is not only a Doc but a teacher today and she has to show her pupil how these visits are done. First things first..
DOC-"ok Corinne lets see here... so you don't know when your last tetnis shot was? "
ME- "Ummm no.. I mean I've had some in the past, I guess within the last year but I don't know" -- (shiz)
DOC- "ok and you probably need a meningitis shot also then"
Me- (Silence)
DOC- "ANd since you are not sexually active you should be fine but just in case we should give you the Gardasil shot too you know because it prevents cervical cancer so there is no reason not to."
ME- (Oh ... someone please pinch me)
DOC- "Oh and I see here that you have Endometrosis. Are you sure you do? Has is been diagnosed?"
ME- "aaaa............. yeah."
DOC-" Okay well you are not on Birth Control which is really bad and if you want to have kids in your future and not be in pain and if you want to not be infertile and stop the cycle and if you want to have kids you should consider getting the Depo shot that will stop your periods then we need to get you that shot too.."
ME- (If I want to have kids.. blah blah....birthcontrol..blah blah...Depo Shot....)" umm no thanks I have tried birth control before and I don't like being crazy. I am crazy enough thank you. I will deal with what god has given me on my own. Thanks though."
DOC- " Well you want to have kids right?"
ME- "Yeah"
DOC- "well then we need to do this today so that you can in the future."
ME-"Umm no I don't want to be fat and crazy.. I'm not married yet and I would really like to have my options open not dwindle it down even more thanks"
DOC-"Well something to think about... you know having kids and stuff"
ME-(OH frick there is still a man student in this room...)
DOC-"We should also draw blood today just to make sure your thyroid and everything else is fine."
ME-(SERIOUSLY?! Oh come on!) "Ok"
DOC- "Ok now on to the exam.."
ME-*My lips starts to quiver* "umm just so you know I'm gonna cry."
DOC- "Not a big deal... put your legs in the stirrups."
ME-(If I close my eyes really tight please make this man disappear. And please I will not say another cuss word as long as he just stays in the corner.)
.......................................................................
Intermission........ kinda..........
............................................................................
DOC-" Okay everything looked fine, now how about all that those things we talked about."
ME-"umm well can I have some time to think about it--- (like when I am 40)
DOC-"Yes I can give you five minutes if you need"
ME-(5 min? I decided the color of my finger nail polish in 5 min... ARE you KIDDING ME!) "okay fine whatever"
DOC- "Good. Your gonna be brave."
ME-(Brave? oh.. is that the same as stupid in your world?... Great)
-- Next the assistant girl walks back in with enough syringes to scare a drug dealer and says..
"ok here we go.. Nothing to it"
ME-"Uh-huh"(Nothing to it? Oh you have no IDEA what I just went through!)
She then proceeds to give me the tetnis shot and the Gardasil shot in the left arm and I'm thinking.. (Ok am I supposed to feel like I just got punched in the arm and now it is going to fall off?)
Assistant girl: "Oh just so you know your arm is going to feel like you just got a dead arm for awhile"
ME- "YUP"
She gives me the meningitis shot in the right arm and then the Depo shot in the right hip.... No turning back now! Assistant girl escorts me to another room where a Punk Rocker blood taker chick draws my blood, and then I get to leave freely. Although I will say I did not mosey out of there I ran like hell because I didn't want the Doc to find me and stick me with anymore needles, AND I didn't want to run into the student who I'm pretty sure saw my left boob. All in all it was quite the event. The Docs office called me later that day and told me my blood work came back normal except I did have slightly high liver enzymes, but I'm not falling for that trick. You would have to pay me a lot of money to get me back in that office. ** Oh and I'm sure I am going to love the bill when it comes... lets pray insurance covers some of this.**
DOC-"ok Corinne lets see here... so you don't know when your last tetnis shot was? "
ME- "Ummm no.. I mean I've had some in the past, I guess within the last year but I don't know" -- (shiz)
DOC- "ok and you probably need a meningitis shot also then"
Me- (Silence)
DOC- "ANd since you are not sexually active you should be fine but just in case we should give you the Gardasil shot too you know because it prevents cervical cancer so there is no reason not to."
ME- (Oh ... someone please pinch me)
DOC- "Oh and I see here that you have Endometrosis. Are you sure you do? Has is been diagnosed?"
ME- "aaaa............. yeah."
DOC-" Okay well you are not on Birth Control which is really bad and if you want to have kids in your future and not be in pain and if you want to not be infertile and stop the cycle and if you want to have kids you should consider getting the Depo shot that will stop your periods then we need to get you that shot too.."
ME- (If I want to have kids.. blah blah....birthcontrol..blah blah...Depo Shot....)" umm no thanks I have tried birth control before and I don't like being crazy. I am crazy enough thank you. I will deal with what god has given me on my own. Thanks though."
DOC- " Well you want to have kids right?"
ME- "Yeah"
DOC- "well then we need to do this today so that you can in the future."
ME-"Umm no I don't want to be fat and crazy.. I'm not married yet and I would really like to have my options open not dwindle it down even more thanks"
DOC-"Well something to think about... you know having kids and stuff"
ME-(OH frick there is still a man student in this room...)
DOC-"We should also draw blood today just to make sure your thyroid and everything else is fine."
ME-(SERIOUSLY?! Oh come on!) "Ok"
DOC- "Ok now on to the exam.."
ME-*My lips starts to quiver* "umm just so you know I'm gonna cry."
DOC- "Not a big deal... put your legs in the stirrups."
ME-(If I close my eyes really tight please make this man disappear. And please I will not say another cuss word as long as he just stays in the corner.)
.......................................................................
Intermission........ kinda..........
............................................................................
DOC-" Okay everything looked fine, now how about all that those things we talked about."
ME-"umm well can I have some time to think about it--- (like when I am 40)
DOC-"Yes I can give you five minutes if you need"
ME-(5 min? I decided the color of my finger nail polish in 5 min... ARE you KIDDING ME!) "okay fine whatever"
DOC- "Good. Your gonna be brave."
ME-(Brave? oh.. is that the same as stupid in your world?... Great)
-- Next the assistant girl walks back in with enough syringes to scare a drug dealer and says..
"ok here we go.. Nothing to it"
ME-"Uh-huh"(Nothing to it? Oh you have no IDEA what I just went through!)
She then proceeds to give me the tetnis shot and the Gardasil shot in the left arm and I'm thinking.. (Ok am I supposed to feel like I just got punched in the arm and now it is going to fall off?)
Assistant girl: "Oh just so you know your arm is going to feel like you just got a dead arm for awhile"
ME- "YUP"
She gives me the meningitis shot in the right arm and then the Depo shot in the right hip.... No turning back now! Assistant girl escorts me to another room where a Punk Rocker blood taker chick draws my blood, and then I get to leave freely. Although I will say I did not mosey out of there I ran like hell because I didn't want the Doc to find me and stick me with anymore needles, AND I didn't want to run into the student who I'm pretty sure saw my left boob. All in all it was quite the event. The Docs office called me later that day and told me my blood work came back normal except I did have slightly high liver enzymes, but I'm not falling for that trick. You would have to pay me a lot of money to get me back in that office. ** Oh and I'm sure I am going to love the bill when it comes... lets pray insurance covers some of this.**
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