I was an average little girl, but a fat child. I have tried to remember when the change took place - I keep trying to rack my brain for maybe a specific incident that would have lead to me gaining weight, but nothing comes to mind. I was never blind to the fact that I was heavier. I always knew, and I always hated myself for it. When I would look in the mirror I would see a stranger and pass every judgement imaginable. My soul is bright,beautiful, talented and skinny, but my body does not reflect the girl inside. I cannot tell you how irritate I was at this imbalance. I grew bitter.
Going to school as a heavier kid was rough. I isolated myself somewhat because of my low self worth but also because of some very vivid hurtful comments I remember to this day. Those comments haunt me and still run through my head on bad days-- taunting me. I started dieting around Jr. High, and I'm pretty sure I have tried everything imaginable! My dad and I went on a cabbage soup diet once -- not only did it not work but to this day I cannot eat or be around vegetable soup! Another time my mom paid me $100 to not eat candy for a year. $100 was like $1million dollars to me as a kid so I jumped at the chance. -- want to know the outcome? I was a chubby kid $100 richer! -- Didn't quite work the way my mom had planned. And with my diet attempts and fails I began to face to inevitable truth... this is who I am. I will forever be the chubby girl with a pretty face. The wing man for all of my girlfriends, always the "friend".
Then I graduated high school and a new, fun, confusing world opened up to me. I met someone who accepted me. He changed my view on life, and religion, and myself. We would have conversations that would last a life time. He made me happy--- something I had not felt in a long time. I was able to see a different girl when I was around him. I liked that girl. Well.. life happens and as hard as I tired to make that boy my husband God had different plans for us both. So to get over my heartache I started running off the emptiness. The more I ran the better I felt. It was my escape from the world and from myself. It was soo unlike (chubby) me in every which way and I thrived on that. I wanted to leave my life and this girl- I wanted to be someone else. Running is not easy for me. It hurts! From my head to my toes it hurts, and I felt pleasure in putting myself through the pain. I became addicted to the results. For the first time in my life I recognized the girl in the mirror, and I found a good place in my life. I had direction and focus and it was life changing.
Then March 30, 2010 happened. My last 1st date. I had known my (now) husband for a couple months prior and had no idea of what was in store for me that year. We were engaged on May 27th 2010 and Married August 13th 2010. I was in love and happy. I looked the best I have ever looked and met the love of my life! My dreams were becoming a reality I gain some pounds through our engagement but thought once the wedding was over I would get back on track.
Nine months and three days after our wedding we welcomed a gorgeous baby girl to our home! Neither one of us were expecting her to come soo fast. Finding out I was pregnant caught me off guard and I got scared. Being a mommy is something I have wanted and it was finally happening. I was afraid something bad would happen and I hibernated for 9 months. 80 lbs later I was a brand new wife and mom and a mental case. Lucky for me I lost 40lbs right away. The second 40 was not so easy--I am still working on that part. So now I have a wonderful, amazing husband, and beautiful 10 month old daughter and have once again lost sight of that girl in the mirror.
I know what it takes- I've done it before and it is hard work and determination. A lot easier when you are single with no life. After 40 hours of work a week and the rest of my time spent trying to be a good mommy and wife I have failed at taking care of myself.
Then came along a blessing! I found an amazing company called Xyngular. I am ready and committed and it is already proving to be worth it. Today was day 4 and I am down 5 lbs and 7 inches all around. I put on a pair of jeans this morning that I haven't fit into for over a year, and for the most part have been in a great mood because I feel good! My house has been getting cleaned and with the good weather and my energy boost Jocelynne and I have gone on many walks this week. I plan on posting my results on Facebook and on my blog to fill everyone in on how I am doing. I honestly want to share this product with the world and whoever will listen because I am having such great results all around.
