I imagine this is what hell will be like

Quite the week... if I do say so. I don't remember if I have mentioned this before but I have a slight issue with being normal. Now what is normal you ask? Heck if I know.. all I know is that aint me. The reason I say that is because it seems like if it is going to happen it is most likely going to happen to me.. no fail. Over the years I have just come to accept my "uniqueness" and embrace it, however I do have to plan out extra time in the day because something is bound to happen. Unfortunately I haven't written many experiences down until now, but I plan on blogging about them from now on just because I am a firm believer in laughter.. especially if it is at your self. So here goes! ... (oh and I should warn you VIEWER DISCRETION is advised.) So.. without giving away the farm I will tell you that I had an appointment with the lady doctor this week (we are all adults it's a part of being a women) and it is my worst fear ever! Which is why I put off going for soo long. I decided to go to a lady instead of a man for comfort reasons and was thinking I would actually maybe not freak out when I got there. WRONG. After filling out all of the new client paperwork I was escorted back to the Doc's "office" where I was weighed and told to strip to my birthday suit. -- What? No introduction? I think we should at least be on a first name basis here.. Guess they just like to get down to business here.. Maybe it's better that way.--- anyways so I'm sitting there in a gown that feels more like a shower curtain thinking of a way to maybe backtrack and get the heck out! Well as luck would have it the little assist girl mentions to me on her way out the door.. oh btw the Doc has a male student with her this week so if that makes you uncomfortable just let her know. OF COURSE.. right? I mean seriously he just happens to be visiting on the same day I happen to be visiting.. I think someone in heaven has a great sense of humor... NOT! So I'm thinking ok Corinne you are just fine. Remember to breathe and when the Doc comes in just inform her in a professional way that this is a no boys allowed visit. Well in walks the Doc and .. Oh great he's cute... Student. My throat starts to close slightly and my brain shuts off and suddenly I am mute. There is nothing even trying to come out of my mouth my body is in shock and the tears are starting the pool and all I can think about is how this man is gonna see more of me then any man alive has ever seen and he didn't even buy me a drink or call me beautiful. This whole visit is turning into a nightmare! Oh wait.. apparently there is more in store for me. I swear I don't know what I did to deserve this but I will never do anything bad again!... So the Doc apparently is not only a Doc but a teacher today and she has to show her pupil how these visits are done. First things first..
DOC-"ok Corinne lets see here... so you don't know when your last tetnis shot was? "
ME- "Ummm no.. I mean I've had some in the past, I guess within the last year but I don't know" -- (shiz)
DOC- "ok and you probably need a meningitis shot also then"
Me- (Silence)
DOC- "ANd since you are not sexually active you should be fine but just in case we should give you the Gardasil shot too you know because it prevents cervical cancer so there is no reason not to."
ME- (Oh ... someone please pinch me)
DOC- "Oh and I see here that you have Endometrosis. Are you sure you do? Has is been diagnosed?"
ME- "aaaa............. yeah."
DOC-" Okay well you are not on Birth Control which is really bad and if you want to have kids in your future and not be in pain and if you want to not be infertile and stop the cycle and if you want to have kids you should consider getting the Depo shot that will stop your periods then we need to get you that shot too.."
ME- (If I want to have kids.. blah blah....birthcontrol..blah blah...Depo Shot....)" umm no thanks I have tried birth control before and I don't like being crazy. I am crazy enough thank you. I will deal with what god has given me on my own. Thanks though."
DOC- " Well you want to have kids right?"
ME- "Yeah"
DOC- "well then we need to do this today so that you can in the future."
ME-"Umm no I don't want to be fat and crazy.. I'm not married yet and I would really like to have my options open not dwindle it down even more thanks"
DOC-"Well something to think about... you know having kids and stuff"
ME-(OH frick there is still a man student in this room...)
DOC-"We should also draw blood today just to make sure your thyroid and everything else is fine."
ME-(SERIOUSLY?! Oh come on!) "Ok"
DOC- "Ok now on to the exam.."
ME-*My lips starts to quiver* "umm just so you know I'm gonna cry."
DOC- "Not a big deal... put your legs in the stirrups."
ME-(If I close my eyes really tight please make this man disappear. And please I will not say another cuss word as long as he just stays in the corner.)
.......................................................................
Intermission........ kinda..........
............................................................................
DOC-" Okay everything looked fine, now how about all that those things we talked about."
ME-"umm well can I have some time to think about it--- (like when I am 40)
DOC-"Yes I can give you five minutes if you need"
ME-(5 min? I decided the color of my finger nail polish in 5 min... ARE you KIDDING ME!) "okay fine whatever"
DOC- "Good. Your gonna be brave."
ME-(Brave? oh.. is that the same as stupid in your world?... Great)

-- Next the assistant girl walks back in with enough syringes to scare a drug dealer and says..
"ok here we go.. Nothing to it"
ME-"Uh-huh"(Nothing to it? Oh you have no IDEA what I just went through!)

She then proceeds to give me the tetnis shot and the Gardasil shot in the left arm and I'm thinking.. (Ok am I supposed to feel like I just got punched in the arm and now it is going to fall off?)
Assistant girl: "Oh just so you know your arm is going to feel like you just got a dead arm for awhile"
ME- "YUP"

She gives me the meningitis shot in the right arm and then the Depo shot in the right hip.... No turning back now! Assistant girl escorts me to another room where a Punk Rocker blood taker chick draws my blood, and then I get to leave freely. Although I will say I did not mosey out of there I ran like hell because I didn't want the Doc to find me and stick me with anymore needles, AND I didn't want to run into the student who I'm pretty sure saw my left boob. All in all it was quite the event. The Docs office called me later that day and told me my blood work came back normal except I did have slightly high liver enzymes, but I'm not falling for that trick. You would have to pay me a lot of money to get me back in that office. ** Oh and I'm sure I am going to love the bill when it comes... lets pray insurance covers some of this.**

In my head love has always been black and white. I comes easy for me, no questions asked. I am a love addict and in some cases and I will give anything and everything to show the person I love how much I love them. I am a self labled "best girlfriend ever". The problem I am facing is love isn't as nice to me as I am to it. I have never been loved the way I love, and I feel often sad and confused by it. A part of me thinks that the times have just changed. My soul is a traditionalist and my world is full of boys not men. Why is it that makes love so complicated? Why can't it be wrong or right? Why is there grey---- Oh I like them ,oh maybe not, oh there is someone better looking... I don't get it. My motto is that Love comes to those who believe it. So where is it? Where in the world is my love hiding? They say the things in life you want the most and work the hardest for and the things you truly appreciate most. I can truly say that love is one of those things. A part of me worries .... is there really someone out there that CAN love me? I'm not your average girl. I like to crack jokes, and sometimes I am kinda crud and blunt. Don't get me wrong I still believe in being a lady, but who says ladies can't have personality? I don't think I am overwhelming, just not the norm. I think I am beautiful but I am not going to sit around and be arm candy. I am who I am. I can be beautiful and funny, and lovable! It scares me that maybe there is not someone who is the Peanut Butter to my Jelly. I know that I have held myself back. I have always been a little curvy and not sure of myself, but the older I get the better I look. I am starting to embrace what I have been given and learn to love who I am inside and out. Maybe that is the key? Maybe once I have fully accepted who I am and what I can give without losing who I am I will be able to let the right one in. The one who can give me 100%. Well that is what I am dedicating this year to... I am loving myself this year so I can love a husband next! haha xoxo

GROCERY SHOPPING FOR DUMMIES.... all in the name of love!

Since Landon is coming to visit I thought that this was the perfect time to show off my good future wife skills and plan meals the whole week while he is here... My excuse for never cooking right now is that there is only one of me and it is alot easier and cheaper to pop in a lean cuisine for 5 minutes. But it seems like it's part of the gentic makeup of women, that when a man is around (Especially one we like) we want to cook to woo him.... so I decided to roll with it. Here's my problem #1 I am not a cook. Growing up my mother, bless her heart, had like 10 recipes she would rotate and that is just what we ate, plus she hated cooking, so I never really learned to cook growing up. That, and it was only me her and my dad soo the meals were never that big. #2 I hate grocery shopping! absolutly with a passion I hate it. There are some women that are born cooking divas with a Grocery Store GPS in their heads, and have 10,000 recipies memorized, and that is not me. I was not hit with the cooking stick. I dont know where anything is so I end up looking like an Idiot making 20 rounds around the store(I wished I had on some ankel weights so I could have justified it as working out) instead of just going nicely down each isle. Usually I get panick attacks when I see all the food and make a b-line for what I need and get the hell out. So, in this case I decided to make a list and mosie right a long like I knew what I was doing.... yeah right. I spent 15 minutes going up and down the Asian. Mexican isle trying to find some Chow Mein noodles, and guess what... some retard decided to move the Asian isle and forgot to metion it to the sign hanging above, if I would have had a Grocery Store GPS I would have known that, but sadly I am an idiot shopper. However I am proud to say that after almost 2 hours in the store I did make it out with almost everything I needed, and that made me very proud, I WAS wishing they would have sold Prozacs at the checkout next to the gum, but I was okay. I left the store with a new appriciation of what it means to be and wife and mother and I'm feeling very underqualifed for the position. To top matters off I came home and put everything away and then realized I hadn't eatin anything yet, so I opened the fridge and my stomach fell when after $126.00 and two hours of shopping there was nothing in the fridge to eat. (everything I had bought was to make, and nothing was just a grab and go.) I love my life! On my drive home I did leave Landon a nice message letting him know that he is one lucky boy because I would never do that for anyone I didn't love.... story of my life, I cant do anything to normal way. Its just not me.

Scorpio

I am a Scorpio through and through, and I just wanted to share why it is that Scorpios are soo great!... Enjoy!!

November

Has lots of extraordinary ideas. Difficult to fathom. Think forward. Unique. Brilliant. Sharp thinking. Fine, strong clairvoyance. make good doctors. Dynamic. Secretive. Inquisitive. Know how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative. amiable. Brave. generous. Patient. Stubborn. hardhearted. Determined. Never quit. Hardly become angry unless provoked. Love to be alone. Think differently. Sharp-minded. Motivate self. Doesn't appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built, tough. Deep love, emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest. Keeps secrets. Cant control emotions. Unpredictable.

and another....

'I DESIRE' is the motto for Scorpio. You are intensely emotional and strongly aware of the darker side of human nature. You don't live on the surface of life, but experience it at its deepest levels.
You possess an iron will, a strong ego and a unique personal magnetism. You make a loyal friend and a passionate lover.
You're also intuitive, ambitious and have a penetrating mind. You have a burning need to uncover what is hidden, whether it's a mystery or someone else's innermost secrets. You're rarely who you appear to be on the outside and are not easy to get to know.
You also have a tendency to brood and to bear grudges and can be suspicious and vindictive.
You are the investigators of the zodiac.To an avarage Scorpio, love is an intensely passionate and enduring emotion that may be directed at one person only.

"CoCo, you need to get married!" Oh I love little kids.....

This last week I got to go to Idaho, and spend a couple days with my brother and his family, and my parents. (and Bianca) My Brother is living in Oklahoma right now, which means I don't get to see my nephews, and niece very often. But Janna (Scott's wife) had a sister that was getting married here in Utah so that meant I got a couple days of KIDS~! Which I love. But I have decided one thing, god better give me my kids one at a time because all four kids at once was more then my body, or brain could handle. I think that I am a pretty relaxed girl, not a lot gets to me, and I like to just sit and chill, but after just a couple days I was yearning for some alone time! I even opted out of going to Twin Falls with the family because I was too tired. Okay, now I sound like a baby but I forgot to mention I was just getting a cold, and had some other monthly dues being paid, so I might have been a little more social if I were feeling better. But moral is the story is... One kid at a time for me please. My little munchkins are really the cutest kids alive. We call them "The boys and Abby". I love how they have their own personalities and are just sooo funny. Taylor (8) aka: Tay-Tay and I bonded a lot on this trip. I think he was just using me as a pillow in the back of the van, but I called it bonding, so that's where it stands. Anyways he is soo smart! I cannot believe how much knowledge he retains and it's amazing to me the adult concepts that he already gets like the Atonement... (he totally explained it better than I could have!) I still remember when he called me up last year and when I asked what he had been learning in school he explained to me what an atom and a molecule were. He was 6 mind you!! smarty pants. Next come Andrew (6) aka Bear, and he came out of the womb talking. In fact I don't ever remember a time that he wasn't making me laugh. He is a ball of humor ( I think he gets it from me) and he will always say random things that always take me bit by surprise because they are soo adult and funny! I will say "Andrew are you sure you are only 6?" and he says "yeah Coco, I'm 6 going on 30!" he also is good at reminding me that I'm husband less and tells me he is going to throw money in a wishing well for me. Thanks Drew. Next is Caden (4) aka Vovi, and he is the cutest, stubbornest thing you will ever meet. If Caden doesnt want to do it then he wont, and he will say, "that's stupid, your stupid." haha cute little boy! He loves loves cars. anything cars, and has a set of puppy dog eyes that let him get away with anything. Last but not least is Abby Marie (2), who a maybe a little bit spoiled. We didn't know if we were ever going to get her because after three boys, Janna thought she was never going to get a girl, but she finally came! Abby's nickname is dolly because she looks just like one. She is just sooo cute and petite. and she is talking now.. so i said,"Abby say I love Coco." and she says, "I love Toto!" ahhh... I love it! She has daddy wrapped around her finger and just has to look at him and say "Daddy" and she gets whats she wants. I explained to her that that is all she has to do for the rest of her life, and I help her perfect the art a bit. She's a good student. So yeah it was a good weekend, but my dang camera battery died so I got no pictures, which made me a little mad!! oh well.... I'll post some old ones. x0Xo...

Look A-Like?

So, I stole this idea from Ashley, but i think she borrowed the idea from another friend, so it's justified... Here's are my Celebrity Look-Alikes.... The one I get the most is Drew Barrymore. I've gotten this look a like for years, and I think we have resemblences... she is beutiful so I will keep accepting this compliment!... Catherine Zeta Jones is another beautiful lady that i've been told I look like... I'll take that one too! Now here's where it gets interesting... I dont think I looke like Katie Holmes or Madonna, but I have been told. With Katie I think it's the hair, and with Madonna they told me it was just through the eyes! haha I dont know I will let you be the judge!... enjoy!

Im not a cat lady... not yet anyways....

So since I moved from my ghetto apartment in the hood to a nice house with Erika in the Avenues, I had to let Bianca go and stay and Grandma and Grandpa's house for awhile, and I miss her terribly! There is nothing better then having something to cuddle with at night, and now I am all alone in my big queen bed! (I know, I need a man... I'm aware) Anyways-- She is a spolied little girl who knows she's cute and uses it to her full avantage!-- Infact she probably thinks her name is naughty because thats what she gets called more then Bianca. -- So, although it pains me, I am doing the responsible thing and Biance is getting spayed today. (poor baby) But she's just too pretty, and I know if we dont get this done those bad Tom Cats will leave us with orphan babies, which i wont be able to give away. Idealy I am going to give myself at least 6 more good years of husband searching before I become the owner of many cats. alrighty here's some pictures of the cutest little girl ever!...