Training for this half marathon is something that is emotionally draining for me. I have been trying to figure out why I am soo emotional about it. My whole life I have been a fat girl. Always go to food for my emotional comfort and always feeling guilty about everything. Thinking I shouldn't be eating this, shouldn't wear this, or look like this. Without realizing it I have gone through a big chunk of my life feeling guilty over everything. It has always been NO. I have always heard NO. Either from myself,or from other people. I have this voice that just seems to tell me all the wrong in my life and it has been a battle to overcome the feelings of self doubt and accept myself. If you were to look at pictures of my child hood you would see a sad little girl with chubby cheeks and round coke bottle glasses. I, like everyone else, went through my awkward stage. But my stage was a little longer then most people I went to school with, and it didn't help that I was one of the first to get boobs overnight. From a very young age I can remember feeling that I was not ment to be in this body. I remember thinking this is not me, this is not who I am. Why am I dealing with this? And through the years I have learned a very important lesson that I am grateful for..I am the ugly ducking with a killer personality, and I would not trade that for anything. There is someone much smarter then me in heaven. Because of those awkawrd years I was able to find out who I really was and what I wanted from life. I am able to see people for who they really are instead of what they might appear to be. I am able to find happiness in small and simple pleasures. And I dont let a man control how I feel about myself. Those are things that are very important to me and I dont think I would have developed otherwise. Through training for this half marathon I have realized that my layers are slowly shedding, and I am becoming the girl I have always known I was. I feel beautiful inside and out, and it is nice to know I am making this happen. I am saying YES for the first time and pushing myself and letting myself progress
7.02.2009
Ugly Duckling
Training for this half marathon is something that is emotionally draining for me. I have been trying to figure out why I am soo emotional about it. My whole life I have been a fat girl. Always go to food for my emotional comfort and always feeling guilty about everything. Thinking I shouldn't be eating this, shouldn't wear this, or look like this. Without realizing it I have gone through a big chunk of my life feeling guilty over everything. It has always been NO. I have always heard NO. Either from myself,or from other people. I have this voice that just seems to tell me all the wrong in my life and it has been a battle to overcome the feelings of self doubt and accept myself. If you were to look at pictures of my child hood you would see a sad little girl with chubby cheeks and round coke bottle glasses. I, like everyone else, went through my awkward stage. But my stage was a little longer then most people I went to school with, and it didn't help that I was one of the first to get boobs overnight. From a very young age I can remember feeling that I was not ment to be in this body. I remember thinking this is not me, this is not who I am. Why am I dealing with this? And through the years I have learned a very important lesson that I am grateful for..I am the ugly ducking with a killer personality, and I would not trade that for anything. There is someone much smarter then me in heaven. Because of those awkawrd years I was able to find out who I really was and what I wanted from life. I am able to see people for who they really are instead of what they might appear to be. I am able to find happiness in small and simple pleasures. And I dont let a man control how I feel about myself. Those are things that are very important to me and I dont think I would have developed otherwise. Through training for this half marathon I have realized that my layers are slowly shedding, and I am becoming the girl I have always known I was. I feel beautiful inside and out, and it is nice to know I am making this happen. I am saying YES for the first time and pushing myself and letting myself progress
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